People join groups because something in their lives isn’t
working out for them. If you are like most group members, you will
have developed habits or patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving
in the world that you feel stuck in and which seem to present obstacles
to your happiness. In order to break free of these patterns, something
different has to happen. Interpersonal feedback in group therapy
provides an opportunity to develop a new perspective on yourself
and your relationships with others.
There are some generally accepted guidelines about what constitutes
useful interpersonal feedback in groups. One thing to keep in mind
is that the feedback should be clear so that it can be easily understood
by the group member receiving it. Keeping the feedback concise and
direct will help make it clear. Another quality feedback should
have is that it should be relevant. Relevant feedback is often directed
to something that is happening in the group at that moment and will
tend to elicit a response or reaction from the person receiving
it. An aspect of feedback that is often overlooked is that effective
feedback will focus on the sender. This usually makes it easier
for the person receiving feedback to really listen and take it in.
Useful feedback also tends to include emotions, involve some self-disclosure,
and will avoid being judgmental. Lastly, one hallmark of successful
interpersonal feedback is that it will say something about the relationship
between the sender and the receiver.
An example of useful interpersonal feedback would sound like this:
“Joe, I am finding it very hard to listen to you right now.
It sounds to me like you are preaching to us. I am getting annoyed
and irritated. I guess I feel like you think I’m not very
smart. I end up shutting down and not really hearing you.”
Since receiving feedback is going to be one of the best ways for
you to make the changes you want to make, there are some ways to
ensure you get feedback. One way is to simply ask for it. While
it may not be easy, at any point you can come right out and ask
the other group members to give you feedback. Another way to elicit
feedback is to give it. Since good feedback tends to elicit a reaction,
feedback usually leads to more feedback. In addition to giving feedback,
taking any kind of emotional risk that reveals something the group
doesn’t know about you will often lead to feedback from the
group. Finally, how you receive feedback when it is given will effect
how comfortable group members will be giving you feedback in the
future. If you are defensive and try to justify what you have said
or done, then it may have the effect of discouraging future feedback.
Try to be open and learn from what is said. Remember that feedback
often says as much, if not more, about the person giving it as it
does about the person receiving it.
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